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At times of national peril, with all this devolution, UKIP-Lilliputian and Russell Brand-prostitution, what we need are role models with high standards, proper poise, and a healthy respect for good grammar. Thank goodness Lotta Quizeen is here! While husband Dickie is abroad with work, Lotta's son Hugo has agreed to help his mother out with her campaign - if only he would hurry back from Prontaprint with the pamphlets! The empty nest has never seemed emptier for women like Lotta and with so many young women busy with their careers (including her daughter-in-law, Susan), Lotta is ready to step majestically into the breach and bring sensible back to this fair isle! Today the John Lewis Aga; tomorrow, the World!

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Author: Serena Haywood