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Like many a gay lad, Dick leaves home for the bright lights of London. But the streets ain't paved with gold, just chewing gum and P45s. The city's gone to the dogs. Well, the rats... London needs a heroic mayor. It gets a dizzy queen - and a petulant pussy, an evil banker, a brace of dames, and the unlikeliest election until Gordon Brown wins the next X Factor with his rendition of Happy Talk.